eye appointment

Well I guess I need glasses went to the eye doctor today ( referral from primary for headaches)...So I guess I will somehow get them....the eye doctor stated that might be the problem causing the back of the head to hurt , but not for sure...but it might help....Asked if I had to see a neuro yet, I told him , yes....

Today or rather this morning I decided to hold back my thyroid med to see if that helped with the memory...I will try it for a few days and see if that helps.

On the way home...I was thinking where did I go, what was the scenery like...hmmmm...Where did my oldest go( I take her to school each morning)....I really don't remember...I know I did have a appointment today...I remember him telling me I needed glasses..

well that is all for now

Remembering...

My oldest daughter and I went to town today...For a brief moment ...I really didn't realize where I was for a brief second...then on the way home...I was like to myself...Where am I?...Where did I go?...it only happened for a brief seconds...then I remember I went to town I think...I knew I had gotten groceries......I did make it home...
Since my TSH level is low ...I am thinking that maybe I should withhold my thyroid meds for a few days and see if that makes a difference in my memory...This is just my thinking...then if he suggests that I not take the thyroid meds for awhile I can let him know that is what I did and whether it helped or not......
I have been remembering the past ...things I did when I was growing up...don't know if this is part of the disease or not...

Well that is all for now...

Neuro visit

I had my neuro visit this past week for the memory loss .This is what I remembered from that visit, he ordered labs ( thyroid, B12, B1)...then he kept saying no miracle drug for this...He had me to some verbal tests...in which he said they was pretty good...walk around, and do some hand exercises...strength things...I am suppose to back in three weeks....I see the eye doctor next week

While driving back home...I did for a brief moment forget where I was, I mean what street I was on...maybe it was a few seconds...my oldest was with me and really didn't realize it I don't think....

I do believe he also stated to stay active with my hobbies and maybe try a new hobby. I already garden, it is spring time...so that is where I am most of the day until I get too tired or want a break from it....I quilt some...right now I am trying to do a block a week...I really don't think I did one last week...but I did work on one....... A flower basket one using hexagons, ...I crochet...only at time while watching TV...

Well that is all I can remember to post right now.

neorolgist appointment

Well tomorrow I go to the first neurologist appointment for Alzheimer's/dementia...I really don't know what to expect but I am nervous about it some...I have visited the same doctor back when they thought I had MS,,, but now it will be different...I have gotten a call from the neuro office today wondering about insurance...I have none but thankfully I do have a financial assistance thru the hospital/doctor offices..
My oldest daughter maybe going with me tomorrow...if it don't count against her at school I am ok with her going with me....she is in college...almost time for her to graduate...I think she will be one of the persons I put on my form to make health decisions for me when I can no longer make them for myself....I am not ready for this part of this disease.....

making Coffee

when hubby is at work I make coffee  and drink 2-3 cups in the morning....I don't like to drink coffee other then my own most of the time...but sometimes will have a frappe of a special coffee drink similar  to that.
This morning like was any other...I put the filter in the coffee pot and then proceeded to put coffee in the filter....Then I turned it on.....then hubby called and I looked in the kitchen( phone is in the front room and I can see the coffee pot from the where the phone is....)I wondered to myself and hubby on the phone...I don't think I clean out the pot...so he said go and check....I didn't clean out the pot ...I didn't even add water to the coffee maker....so I turned it off...poured out the old coffee and rinsed out the pot and then added water to the coffee maker. It sprewed at me for adding water to it after I had turned on and then off...then after I did that...I turned it back on and a few minutes later I did enjoy my usual cups of coffee.

I wonder if it was the Alzheimer's or a typical mistake...I have don't this before but I added the water ..it was a different coffee maker though, where really didn't need to rinse out the pot we used another method of putting the water in....

I Hate this disease...

I hate this disease in the way it makes me feel...I know I probably will be posting this topic again...
I hate that one day I will not be able to take care of myself...
I hate that I will one day be a burden to my family...
.I hate that one day someone will have to take care of me
I hate that one day my garden will be nothing but weeds( I love my gardens)
I hate this disease is robbing me of my family
I hate this disease is going leave us financial insecure( not that we were really secure anyway)
I hate that my husband really don't know what is going on and don't want to know
I hate that I will be put in a Nursing home ( my husband has already said he wouldn't come and visit me he has to work)
I hate that one day soon I will have to ask for help
I hate that one day soon I will no longer be able to drive
I hate that sometimes I question about things....( like for instance how do I get back home when I take a walk down the road)( What did I plant?, Where am I, How old am I)

Well I think that is enough hates right now....

another post...Scared...

When I first started having issues ...my hubby stated he couldn't handle me having Alzheimer's...that is one thing he cant handle......We was thinking Parkinson's...MS...not Alzheimer's...
I did get a copy of my MRI scans and then went and googled MS MRI scans...mine looked nothing like theirs...then the Diagnosis Small Vessel disease was found out.....I googled it...nothing but dementia came up on my search.....I then googled images of small vessel disease MRI scans....just what my scans looked like...it cant be dementia...I felt...no...I wanted no...then after my last visit to the doctor...she confirmed what I had suspected...( I am a LPN)...
I sorta know what is going to take place, but not really...I know the last stages......not the early stages...My Paternal Grandmother had Alzheimer's...I know it is heredity.
I am scared of not knowing my children , my husband...I have apologized in advance., before I knew...but deep down I kinda knew....
I am scared that I wont get to see and realize my both daughters getting married...having babies..being a grandmother...I am scared of not being there for them when they need me...my daughters are 18 and 14......Everytime I try and talk to my husband ...he don't want to hear any of it...how I feel...I seriously think he has health issues as well. He has a lot of headaches...I know he has stress....I am scared for him as well...Now I am crying ...tears on the edge of my eyes...


Why oh why...?We are not ones to question, I must remember this...

my journey so far...

This blog will be able my health. Be prepared this will be a long post...I will try and keep it short, but then again ...I want to post most of the story...
It started last year...I started having back pain...lower back pain...when I walked while going hunting for the mysterious morel mushroom.....then I started walking funny--What I mean by walking funny...I felt like my legs were going down....
I went on thinking it would eventually go away...not...Then one night my youngest was trying to tickle my feet and I didn't feel a thing...my left leg kinda of felt numb...
So I decided to go to my doctor, or rather a local clinic that has a sliding fee scale ( I have no insurance...there are many of us out here that don't have insurance..., I don't want to get started on that soapbox)...The doctor   put me on a med, Neurontin and stated I probably have a neurological disorder ,maybe a thyroid issue...so I went on and took the Neurontin...

then it seemed like my symptoms were getting worse., after a few months..I felt like sometimes my memory wasn't as good as it should be...my back still hurt at times...sometimes the wrong word would come out....tremors at night and other times .so I went back and seen someone else at the clinic...someone that had seen me before...She stated I need a MRI of head, neck , back.....and she wanted to do labs...
so labs were done and the MRI was not done yet ...since like I stated earlier -no insurance
Labs came back and my thyroid was out of whack...so thyroid med , plus Naproxen...
meds helped...
So then I filled out a financial assistance form at a local hospital...I got my MRI...and something didn't look right...so was sent to a neurologist...he order more MRIs and a lumbar puncture...they thought I had MS( Multiple Sclerosis), labs....the LP came back good, labs were good, ...follow-up with doctor ...you don't have MS , You have Small vessel disease of the brain....he referred me back to my primary, ...I seen her a few more times...
then the last time I seen her...she was very rude to me...so I changed doctors....

I seen the new doctor who does seem nice the first time I seen her and everyone was nice....
I told her of my back pain ..she sent me to a Physical Therapy Eval...I also told her the back of my head hurt when I touched it, or leaned on anything...so will be going to a eye doctor to check my eyes..
The therapist stated I needed 6 weeks of therapy...so once a week I went to therapy...for the past 6 weeks...
A few weeks ago, I messaged the new doctor of my memory issues...and she stated I needed to be seen....So I went to go and seen her and told her of the memory issues...and that wrong words were coming out more often...so she had me do a series of tests...and remember 3-4 words...say the words, then had me draw a couple of things...
Asked me if I had seen the neurologist yet( She was going to referred me to him after the eye check up)...I stated no...so she stated then that I had Alzheimer's, possible Alzheimer's..., From the small Vessel disease of the brain...so I will be sending you the memory clinic. ASAP...She followed me out to the waiting room after she had asked about financial situation.....Thankful I have the financial assistance or I would not be going to the doctor..
the next week later...still no call from the Memory clinic...I googled it and then called the phone number that was on it ...it  was no longer in service....so I called doctor and let them know I hadn't heard anything......nothing no return phone calls a week later...then I messaged the doctor ...I got a response from the doctor office...the Memory clinic is no longer open it is part of the neurology departments......
They finally called I got a appointment next week...

This is the short version of my battle so far...